I suppose now would be a good time to explain what this “perfecting process” means to me. Let me start by saying that I am by no means perfect, no where near perfect actually.
God is though.
He is perfect
He is holy
He is righteous
I won’t ever be perfect, I’m human. But something in me desires to be more like God. And it’s not the snake enticing, apple eating kind of desire. Its the humbling, selfless, I can’t do it on my own kind of desire.
I used to be perfect. At least that’s what I thought. That’s what everyone told me, “What a perfect little angel.” I liked to do good things. I liked to do things right. I hated getting in trouble. So I didn’t. Not that I didn’t ever do anything wrong, I just made sure that I didn’t get in trouble for it. Because I wanted to be good. Me, good.
So I planned it all out, the right way to do things. Go to school, get good grades, find a nice boy, get a good job, marry the nice boy, and then have a family and start the whole process over again with a perfect little child. My plans worked for the most part. It wasn’t that hard for me to follow along those lines. I was a good student, I had a great relationship with a Godly man, we had a perfect little wedding, I had a nice job that I was successful in. Of course there were little hiccups along the way, but all in all the goals were accomplished. Sure it was a lot of pressure on myself to do it all, but I could handle it. I had done it for so many years all on my own, I couldn’t stop now. Then came the final step in the plan: a perfect baby. And not only did I want a perfect baby, I wanted a perfect delivery. Someone told me while I was pregnant that once you have a baby all your plans go out the window. Well, my plans were thrown out before she was even born. I will have to write about that whole experience another time. Let’s just say that it didn’t go as planned and I was devestated. Motherhood started out as a complete failure in my eyes. But that is exactly what I needed. God needed to show me that I was not in control, I was not perfect, but he is. God had to bring me to a place where I had nothing left but him.
He is so good that way. He wants to make me holy, perfect, just like him. But as long as I thought that I was “good” on my own, I would never have been able to resign myself to this perfecting process. So the story begins here: broken, humbled and surrendered. God has taught me so much recently and I want to share that with others. He is the great refiner. He turns up the heat to get all the bad stuff out. I can see now that God has been leading me to this place in his ever perfect timing. It has been scary at times to open my life to him, but he gives me strength and courage every step of the way.
Have you ever thought that you could be “good” all on your own? Do you notice God perfecting you in any way?