This week in GMG I have been Intentionally Focused on My Mind. Now, intentionally focused sounds like using a lot of attention to do something well, but for me it means God showing me just how terrible I actually am at guarding my mind. The final verse for the week was what really got me:
This week, my mind has been set on earthly things. Family, home, babies and play dates; They have consumed me to the point of anxiousness. I hate that I let myself get this way. I take these beautiful gifts from God and I turn them into a burden or an idol and it takes my focus from the only one who really deserves it. Now I still “try”. I read a verse, I think a bit about it, I even interact with friends regarding it, but my mind, it is lost as soon as those thoughts leave. It gets wrapped up in the next thing on the to do list, or it gets darkened by disappointment. Its a fickle thing, this mind of mine.
Within this lesson, I learned something about myself from the book A Million Little Ways. (Thanks Mindy for the book) This mind of mine, that gets wrapped up in so many things of this world, it’s usually because I am trying to please someone. A critic you could call it, myself, my child, another parent. They are all over the place. For the most part, they probably truly don’t care what all I do with my life, but if they did, then I might care what exactly they might be thinking. All of this is beside the point because what this critic shows me is not the particular shortcoming in my life, it shows me that I put much more importance on their opinion of me than on God’s opinion of me. These burdens that weigh me down that feel like they might be the death of me, they have no power over me. I am already dead to this world.
Colossians 3:1-3 NLT
Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God.
My real life, the one that I am living for, its not here. It’s not on earth, the US, or even our little home in North Towne Park. My spirit is with Christ, buried and risen to this new life. Now there is a disconnect because my body physically lives here in this broken and dying world. My flesh is weak and I continue to fall short of the life He desires for me.
So this week I am reminded that it is a battle, a struggle, a race that I am losing of my own accord. I need more of Jesus. I need his word in my heart fending off the attacks. I need the sin to be ripped out of me and offered up to be turned into something that resembles righteousness. I need a new day, a renewed heart, a transformed mind and I have to make that decision every moment of my day. And I need to do it not because I want to feel better about myself, but because he loves me and has called me to this relationship. I am blessed to be his child and the only acceptable response it to bring him glory. I will seek his kingdom first, and the days that I do not, I will be grateful for the grace of a new tomorrow. Until I am united with Him.