Patience and Flying Wrenches (Part 2)

If you were able to read Part 1 of this saga, you’ll know that God has got this running theme for me in the last year of learning patience, waiting on His perfect timing. This first test I spent more of it on the sidelines being a support to my husband, so I think I did much better than if it had been my own personal test. We did have an overlap though, so my story starts about halfway through the last one.

I’ve had this life of mine planned out for a while now. Most had gone according to planned until God started to shake things up and show me who is really in control. The birth of a child will do that to you. Especially when that birth is nothing like you expect. So, somehow in the last three years I thought that I had learned this lesson of giving up control and then decided to take a bit of it back. The “planning” for baby number 2 began and I was sure it would work out perfectly. Just as a warning you all, I’m kind of ridiculous. You see, I have my reasons for wanting things the way I do.

Summertime is crazy for our family with multiple birthdays every weekend and then weddings and anniversaries and vacations, I just couldn’t possibly have a baby then. And winter is a no go as well. Holidays and a few more birthdays, I just didn’t want our little one being thrown into that mix. I got my Spring baby first time around so now for an Autumn babe. Calculating it out meant we needed to get pregnant in the winter for everything to go as planned. It took a month or two to get pregnant with baby girl so we “stopped trying not to get pregnant” (sounds much better than “trying to get pregnant”) towards the end of the year. Note: we weren’t super set on this with the prospect of moving our family for a new job in the future but still open to the possibility. December came and went. January we thought it might happen and so did my mom apparently because when my brother announced that a new grandbaby was coming, she thought it was me and not my dear sister-in-law. Excited to be an Auntie finally and for my brother and sister-in-law to have their first, I was content not being the one pregnant. I kept counting the months knowing that our chance of an Autumn baby was dwindling I was getting a little discouraged, but knew that it couldn’t possibly be much longer. Month by month a negative test and those wonderful hormones that  accompany it turned me into a big baby. Oh, the tears and frustration.

Spring was here and the new job possibility for my husband was in front of us. He quit without a solid offer but at least the ability to freelance. During this time we were also in our 4th month of 7: giving away 7 things from our home everyday for a month. (Sorry, I didn’t finish that blog series, I’ll have to pick it up again another time) I and a sweet friend of mine, who had been through much more than I had, decided we should have a play date and donuts to commiserate the fact that neither of us were pregnant. She mentioned how crazy we were for giving away things while my husband was not yet working full time. Somehow I could trust God’s provision through all that but didn’t believe He knew what He was doing when it came to my fertility.

Not worrying and being grateful is something I learned in the anxiety I had after my daughter was born so I attempted to put this into practice. I told God that yes, I had this all figured out, I see what He was trying to teach me. I needed to be content and grateful for all I have. I needed to thank Him for my amazing husband and beautiful daughter and our lovely home and life that He had already blessed me with. Yada, yada, yada. Gotcha, thanks God, learned my lesson, now give me my baby.

To this day I cannot remember what passage it was that I was reading in my Bible app, but I was sitting on my bed trying to glean something from the Word that would give me hope and something to hold onto after another month of being ever so very NOT pregnant. I have a feeling He will use this passage again in my life, so He didn’t want me to get hung up on the words of it, but His Word spoke loud and clear. I had told Him I would be content with what I had and He said, “No, that is not enough.” It’s one thing to be content when you are comfortable, when you have such wonderful things in life, but what if they all went away? What if something happened to my family? What if I could no longer afford our home? What if everything I held dear was gone? What if all I had was Jesus? The salvation that He brings, redeeming me from my sin and bringing me into this new life with Him, what if it was the only hope I had? Would I be content then? Que another tantrum from this big baby over here. I cried. I threw my phone. I knew He was right, I don’t deserve any of this, let alone another huge blessing of a child to care for. He’s always got to go that extra step in trying to refine me. Just when I think I’ve got it all figured out another wrench comes flying in. I repented of my pride, I surrendered my situation to Him, I vowed that things would be different. I would trust in His perfect timing and be content not with what I had, but content in knowing that I have all I need in Jesus alone.

After drying my tears and putting on my big girl panties, I was ready to face another month. I was filled with peace, almost looking forward to another negative test so that I could show my Heavenly Father how much I had grown up. Then this happened:

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Part 3: coming soon

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Patience and Flying Wrenches (Part 1)

It’s been nearly a year since I last wrote. There has been plenty to write, I just have not taken the time to put it into words. I need to process these things and I pray you would allow me to do it here. So much has changed in our lives and yet so much has remained the same. One constant theme I can see God working on is patience. Maybe I prayed this prayer for myself. Maybe someone prayed it for me. Or maybe God just decided it was time to give me this test since I would never want to ask for it myself. I’ve always heard that it is dangerous to ask for patience because the way you learn it is by being given the opportunity to be patient.

When it comes to patience I can do just fine up to a certain point. I can handle traffic and hitting all the red lights. I’m usually pretty good with a toddler who wants to pick every. single. dandelion. when we are on a walk. But then there comes bigger things, like jobs and pregnancy and due dates that seem to throw me for a loop.

This started late in the year 2013 with a prompting that God may have another job in store for my husband. This was not the first time in the 12 years he had worked at his last job that he considered a career change, but it was different this time around. Never did I have peace in the idea of him leaving his job for something else, until now. He was out of town when the idea came to him and he didn’t want to flippantly talk to me about it over the phone so he waited until he got home. This was no ordinary, “I’m thinking of applying for another job.” It would mean an upheaval of our family to another state away from family and friends into a very different career. The funny thing is I just said, “Okay.” And we started talking about what that would mean and how it would work and both of us were excited about the idea of turning our lives upside down and trying something new (not something these perfect little planners are usually up for). The peace that we had starting this endeavor was unreal. Then began the applications and interviews and more applications and more interviews and each time we prayed and saught God’s will and trusted that He would place us exactly where He wanted us. If it had just continued on this way even for the 6 months or so that it took, that would have been just fine, but then the wrenches showed up.

A few weeks into this process my husband’s boss left his position which created a void that he now needed to fill. Still sure that God had something else out there for us we continued to pray and apply, but there was the added weight of carrying his department that seemed to halt the process. I mentioned some unknowingly prophetic words during this time to my husband, something to the effect of, “God is not going to give you a new job until He has put someone in place to take care of your department.” It’s almost comical now how this played out and incredibly divine at the same time. This brought us into the new year and with each application and prayer and interview we really tired to remain surrendered to God’s will. A bunch more wrenches came whirrling through during the next few months and I did all I could to support my husband praying over him and our situation, encouraging him to finish strong and lead with integrity. While tensions were high with an added responsibility he never intended to acquire, 6 months of applying for jobs was makings for some weary fingers and hearts.

Then the day came, a new department head had been hired (praise God!). This was great news but also brought stress to an all time high. We didn’t think it would be fair to get on board with a new boss only to jump ship when a job opportunity came along. That evening my husband applied for a random job (as he did many nights during these last months) and they responded right away wanting an interview that next morning.

We prayed prayed prayed that night, giving it up to God knowing that His plan was bigger than ours.  The peace that surrounded us that night was wonderful. We didn’t know what to expect, we didn’t know how many more weeks or months he would still be at this job, but we knew that God was in control and does everything in His perfect timing. (If only I could hold onto that for future reference) The interview went swimmingly and they wanted my husband to start freelancing as soon as possible with the intention of a full time position in the next few months. In 6 months time after hundreds of applications this was the very first job offer (which I think I kind of hard to believe because I know how awesome my husband is). The very same day that God had placed someone else to lead this department, hours before he was to meet with this new department head, God answered our months and months of prayers in His absolute perfect timing. He was able to resign his position and start making plans for the future.

It was a long road, much longer than we would have desired. But we learned strength and patience and how to encourage each other and pray through things together. It was intense but extremely well worth it to hold on tight to God together and have Him stretch our faith. His provision is just perfect and His goodness is immeasurable.

If only this lesson had been well learned when the tables turned and it was my desire that was waiting to be fulfilled. That story will be coming up next.